Love is a beautiful thing, but it is simply not enough to maintain a peaceful and happy relationship. Sometimes, loving someone makes us forget what we deserve because we dedicate all our energy to fulfilling their needs.
As human beings, we are all entitled to a common level of dignity. And respect is an essential building block of any relationship.
It is one of the major tools that keep people happy together. However, having respect in a relationship doesn’t mean a conflict-free relationship (there’s no such thing) but the attitude of value, honor, and appreciation that exists in the relationship.
It means that even though there may be disagreements from time to time you still trust each other, treat each other with love, sweetness gentleness, and have faith in your judgments. But unfortunately, respect between partners sometimes starts to wear away as the relationship goes on.
You begin to feel ignored, mistreated, abuse sets in, belittlement, harsh statements, and a lack of courtesy become the order of the day.
Then little tiny bells begin to ring in your head every now and then – how did I get here? How long will this last? Should I just sit back and endure? What should I do?
To learn about how to deal with disrespect in a relationship there are some tips you should consider and implement to put you back in charge of your life and well-being. Here you go;
1. Check Yourself
The first thing anyone has to learn about respect is that it must be earned. This unique way on how to deal with disrespect in a relationship comes by living a life above reproach.
Do you steal, nag, fight, even in public? Then that could be a problem. Are you a person of your word or do you just say things and leave them hanging? You should ask yourself these questions too.
The popular adage says “actions speak louder than words”. Saying something and doing the opposite is one way to quickly lose respect.
If you are caught telling lies, no matter how small, your trustworthiness will be questioned and respect diminished.
Your partner will have an easier time respecting you if they can count on you to be responsible and accountable.
Another easy way to gain your partner’s respect is to treat them how you would want them to treat you. Since you are looking for respect, show them respect. You will be amazed by how simple it can be.
By making yourself an example of stability and exceptionality, you can actually create a barrier that protects you from the criticism of others.
2. Communicate The Disrespect
One thing you can try to do when thinking of how to deal with disrespect in a relationship is to have a serious conversation with your partner about the issue.
This is the moment when you can be open about, and say everything that you have seen to be a problem in your relationship. Don’t expect your partner to be a mind reader.
It is possible that they don’t even realize that you see their behavior as disrespectful. Take a moment to discuss how you are feeling, how their actions affect you, and be clear about your wants and needs.
Make a commitment to speaking your truth and never leaving the important things unsaid.
However, to help your partner hear you better, use “I statements” – “I feel hurt and broken when you raise your voice because it reminds me of my angry boss. I’d rather you use a quieter voice when you speak to me”.
While doing this, do ensure to take note of the tone of your voice – how you say something is as important as what you say.
Speaking up and using your voice rightly is the best way for others not only to understand you but to learn how to respond to you appropriately.
So speak deliberately, intentionally, and don’t ever let their excuse be, “you didn’t tell me!” or “you should have told me!”.
3. Stand Up For Yourself
There is nothing more confident and attractive than someone who knows what he or she deserves. After you have had a conversation with your partner about the disrespect, each time you see a red flag – they want to make you feel unimportant or devalue your speech and ideas, don’t just sit down there and take the insult, but stand up for yourself.
Tell them you’ve had enough of their abuse and that you won’t take it anymore. Assure yourself that you are in complete ownership of your feelings and actions.
Your beliefs, emotions, thoughts, and ideas belong to you, and without your consent, no one has the authority to invalidate you.
And that no one has the right to be rude to you, ignore you or dismiss your feelings – no matter what they might think.
Taking a stand can be as simple as saying “NO” when you are tired or simply refusing to listen to someone who disregards you.
If you tend to be a ‘yes’ person who never wants to let anyone down, you risk becoming a door-mat who everyone walks all over and takes advantage of.
Use open body language to show that you are self-assured, confident, and not to be messed with. Open body language includes leaning forward, making eye contact, standing with your hands on your hips and feet apart, using slow and deliberate gestures, and uncrossing your arms or legs.
Remind yourself that you are just as talented, as wonderful, as deserving as anyone else and that turning down things you don’t feel equipped to cope with or things you just don’t just have time for isn’t rude or stubborn but an act of self-care and the sign of a strong person.
If you are not going to stop it this way, then it’s going to go on forever.
4. How To Deal With Disrespect In A Relationship: Have Boundaries
A vital way on how to deal with disrespect in a relationship is a set boundaries in your relationship. Since your partner has gotten used to doing things that make you uncomfortable or feel disrespectful to you, it’s time to establish some clear ground rules about what you find acceptable.
It essential to make very clear, what is okay and not okay to you, what you are willing and not willing to do, say, or hear or accommodate from others.
It includes, what you can call each other, how you will fight, and so on. But to get started, you need to know what you like and dislike, what you are comfortable with versus what scares you, and how you want to be treated in given situations.
For example, you might say, “I’m comfortable kissing and holding hands, but not in public”. You should also make a point to be clear about your love while being clear about your boundaries.
You could say; “I love you deeply and have every good intention about this relationship, but I’m not alright with you name-calling when you get angry. If you want to talk about the issue, I’m surely available, but only if you don’t attack me”.
Make sure to follow through on any repercussions for breaking boundaries, else your partner will feel empowered to repeat such an act.
5. Be More Independent
Being strong and independent doesn’t mean you don’t need your partner in any way. It means being strong enough – whether in your career or purpose, that you know you’ll always somewhat be well-equipped for the challenges of life.
It means that you are capable of doing things on your own, as a whole, powerful individual. The fact is no one wants an indolent partner.
A lazy and weak partner who makes excuses daily for not being impactful can lose his or her respect. So, one way on how to deal with disrespect in a relationship is to quit slothfulness and be independent especially off your partner.
Set goals for yourself. Goals give you a sense of purpose and control over your own destiny, and they help you realize what you truly want.
It gives you a sense of ownership over your own life and it can feel great when you start taking responsibility for how you are feeling and really owning your own decisions.
Ensure that you do well at work, gain more accomplishment and financial freedom. Just give yourself and your partner a reason to be proud of you. So, instead of being a burden, you lighten the load of others.
6. How To Deal With Disrespect In A Relationship: Quit Apologizing
Fact is unless you are perfect (no one is), apologies are a necessary part of life. However, it can become problematic when we hold other’s opinions and reactions in overly high regard.
Maybe you’ve fallen into this over-apologizing trap or have found yourself saying “I’m sorry” for things that don’t merit an apology in the first place.
Are you the sort of person who blurts sorry even when it’s entirely their fault? It is a bad habit that can morph into a reflex reaction.
You may think you are displaying yourself as a nice and caring person, but that may actually not be the case. Being too apologetic doesn’t help at all. And, in fact, can backfire.
It may seem harmless but it can undermine your authority and confidence, portray you as weak and indecisive and even damage your credibility. When you utter these words (I’m sorry), you are essentially taking responsibility for an outcome, whether or not it was actually your fault.
So why let others think that you are in the wrong? Concerned with how to deal with disrespect in a relationship! Stop taking the blame for every little thing that goes wrong around you. It not only undermines your self-worth but also your capacity to manifest an abundant life.
And worst of it all is that it can give others permission to treat you poorly or even abuse you as they think less of you.
More so, apologizing for every little thing can desensitize your listeners when you want to deliver a sincere and necessary apology (your apology will carry less weight for situations that really warrant a sincere apology).
The more you say you are sorry, the less power it has. So when thinking of what to do when your boyfriend disrespects you, reserve your apologies for situations that actually call for them and give yourself the respect you deserve.
7. Spend Time Apart
Sometimes, you may have gotten so used to being around your partner that you have started taking them for granted. This could be the case of your partner too.
When considering how to deal with disrespect in a relationship, it is really important to take a little time for yourself – a time to rejuvenate and foster your sense of self.
Take a mini-vacation by yourself. Focus on your hobbies, your friends, and exercise. Go camping, fishing, shopping, or to the beach.
Take a class, read, try something new – anything that can make you unwind, and put you back in touch with yourself and your confidence.
Being apart from your partner allows you to reset and feel comfortable being with your own company. It helps you clear your mind and helps you figure out what exactly is the problem and if anything can be done to change it.
Also, not spending every waking second with them allow them to clearly realize what you mean to them, what you bring to their lives and they begin to appreciate you more, hence they think of how to redress their steps into giving you the respect that you desire (because they wouldn’t want to lose you).
It can also help you realize that you are not with the right person (if that is what it is).
8. How To Deal With Disrespect In A Relationship: If It Persists, Take A Bow
Ending a relationship can be a long and painful struggle but can be important when it comes to how to deal with disrespect in relationships, and in regaining your sanity.
The truth is that you can only share how you desire to be treated in the relationship. You can’t be responsible for your partner’s feelings and actions.
So if you feel miserable, and you come to realize that even with all efforts made, you can’t make them stop, then it is the right time to pack your things and hit the road. You don’t need this kind of negativity in your life.
Someone who is continuously disrespectful to you isn’t someone who wants to build you up, they are there to tear you down and that isn’t good for you.
Gather the pieces of your life and walk away with dignity. In the end, you called the shot, not them, and that is respectful.
Conclusion
In dealing with disrespect in a relationship, you have to be your whole true self – confident, secure, independent and above all, respected by yourself (even as you respect others).
Take control of your life and be happy with yourself. And remember, no one has the authority to devalue or disrespect you (only if you don’t allow it).
What to do when he doesn’t respect you is entirely up to you, so make your choice, and ensure to choose wisely.
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