Can you remember the first year of your marriage? How passionate it was. How you both looked at each other as if you wanted to eat each other up. You were so excited to share everything that happened to you.
You were so happy you got married to the love of your life because damn, marriage really felt so good. And because you two were in love with each other, you thought this beautiful atmosphere was going to last till forever.
Now that several years have passed, and perhaps, kids have joined the home you both have, what is happening? Is it still the same?
Life happened, right?
Over the years, you both got so busy with taking care of the demands of life— financial responsibilities, kids and societal expectations — that you forgot to take care of the bond between you too and now, you both are like strangers living in the same house.
When you discuss, it is as if you guys are robots. And you no longer feel that sizzle of delight when you see each other. You share the things that happen to you because you have to and not because you want to. And the s*x? Jeez, I know you don’t want to think about the s*x right now because you don’t know when last your body really came alive with sensual energy. You even feel like robots have better s*x.
How the heck did I know this?
That is because this sh*t is a phenomenon seen too many times in marriages and so no longer a surprise. Life is harsh and fast-paced and to meet up, we forget that marriage is a garden that we have to water or it will dry up.
But I know you want to fix it. You want to water your garden again. You want to know what steps to take when set on a path to rekindling passion in marriage. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here.
Can You Regain Passion In A Marriage?
Absolutely yes! Rekindling passion in marriage is very much possible. No matter how long the marriage has gone stale, you can still feel the passion that was synonymous with the first few years of marriage.
And before you start doubting me, let me tell you that I have seen the tactics of rekindling passion in marriage work over and over again so many times for me not to believe that this is a fact.
Couples in their forties, fifties, and sixties have said to me too many a time that it now feels like they just got married when they apply the right tips. I can still remember how a woman in her late fifties told me with excitement shining in her eyes that the s*x is now so damn amazing she really can’t believe her luck. *Giggles.
So you see, couples don’t have stale marriages because they fell out of love with each other. No, it is because they stop to water their garden. Love in marriage is like coals— they can either burn hot or wax cold, depending on if you are fanning it or not.
And before we go further on how to fan the coals in your marriage, there are common questions we should get answered.
What Are The 4 Kinds Of Intimacy In Marriage?
There are four types of intimacy that should be felt in a marriage.
The first one is emotional intimacy. This kind of intimacy is experienced when you and your partner share how you feel about something, good and bad. It is this kind of intimacy that allows you to tell your partner that you don’t like the new stretch marks sprouting on your belly or what makes you describe how you are so proud of yourself for acing an interview.
The second is sexual intimacy and you experience this through the sensual experiences you share. Because the s*xual intimacy is there, you hold and kiss your partner passionately and then do other hot stuff.
The third one is intellectual intimacy and you experience this when you share ideas and thoughts about something that is happening. It could be business or politics or something else that requires you to think.
The last one is the experiential intimacy and you have this kind of intimacy when you do daily activities such as cooking, getting groceries, and cleaning together.
What Are The 5 A’s Of Intimacy?
In his book ‘How to be an Adult in Relationships’, David Richo said that the 5 A’s of intimacy are appreciation, acceptance, affection, allowing, and attention.
For a marriage to flourish, both couples have to be acknowledged for what they do, accepted despite their flaws, shown affection, allowed to be themselves, and given the most attention. And when you think about it, that is all about what every successful marriage needs, you know. For sure, doing all these will go a long way in maintaining intimacy in marriage.
What Are The 3 C’s Of Intimacy?
There are 3 C’s for happy couples. The first one is as you guessed—communication. Healthy communication where partners can listen to each other while being heard is very vital. It is what keeps the love burning.
The second is commitment. Priority to each other and the relationship is of utmost importance. I agree that it is not easy. If there is no give and take, commitment will not be possible and that actually brings us to the last C which is compromise.
Even though couples love each other, individual differences concerning thoughts, feelings, experiences, and expertise can come into play causing friction and this can be resolved when a common ground is reached.
You know, one thing I love about my husband is that he is big on compromise and always sets structures for this to come from both sides. When there is a dilemma, he utilizes communication to make sure our thoughts and feelings are expressed and then uses our commitment to our marriage as a reminder as to why we both have to give some and take some.
Sometimes, one of us gives more than we take but that is okay because our collective happiness is what matters the most. Very admirable, isn’t it?
So now, let’s get into the heart of the matter. I have told you that yes, there is hope in rekindling passion in marriage and now you can’t wait to know how.
Going from here, you will be having ten great tips on how best to go on rekindling passion in marriage, be it that of yours or others. So ride on with me!
1. Improving Communication
If you have been reading this from the beginning, you would see where I talked about communication as one of the 3 C’s of intimacy and that is because it is the bedrock of any relationship, especially marriages.
Healthy communication allows you to comfortably share your feelings and thoughts about something thereby intensifying the bond between you too. If you want to know how to improve intimacy in marriage, then you should work on improving your communication.
You should learn how to ask questions that trigger responses and perfect the right body language so your partner will feel heard and vice versa. And because of how important this tip is in rekindling passion in marriage, I have elaborated fully on it in this article, How To Improve Communication In A Relationship In 7 Simple Steps! Go check it out!
2. Spend More Quality Time Together
How can there be intimacy when there is no room for it to grow?
I understand how busy life can get, especially with taking care of kids and handling bills but you have to remember that both of you started this home together and nothing would be worth sacrificing the bond you both have. Nothing. When you know this, sacrifices like eliminating activities that do not really add value to you but take away your time would be easily made so you can spend the time with your partner.
Perhaps, you can reduce your workload on weekends and use it to spend quality time with the love of your life. And hey, if you are looking for the things to do on those weekends, you should know I got you covered with this: 8 Things Happy Couples Do On Weekends.
Got it? Good, let’s move on.
3. Reignite Your Emotional Connection
Earlier, I talked about emotional intimacy as one of the types of intimacy experienced in a marriage. You might not be experiencing this right now because of the drought in your marriage but I assure you, if you put in effort, you would see revival.
Deciding to spark up your emotional intimacy is already the first step to doing this because then, you would encourage yourself to share your feelings even when you don’t want to. And from there, it becomes easier.
4. Spice Up Your Physical Intimacy
If you can reignite your s*xual lives, then you are definitely getting somewhere in reigniting passion in marriage. I know it is hard and that you are probably wondering where the zeal to do this would come from. But see, a flood of passion begins with a trickle of effort.
Instead of just telling him he looks fine in a new suit, tell him he looks delicious and that you cannot wait to remove it from him later. Do that and you will see how the atmosphere changes.
These things require conscious efforts which you should decide to give if you are interested in rekindling passion in marriage. And maybe you should start with these hot compliments that your man can’t wait to hear!
5. Be Spontaneous
When you get used to an old basic routine of taking care of the kids and going to work, the marriage suffers. And to change it, you have to shake up the pattern a bit.
For middle-aged couples, If you want to know how to rekindle a marriage after 25 years or more, then you should do something beautiful and interesting like recreating those dates you went on when you both were new in the relationship. This could remind you of the passion of new love and perhaps, restore it.
6. Do The Things That Make You Laugh
They say that laughter is the best medicine for the heart and I totally agree. Goodness, life would be super boring without something to make me laugh. Think about it, you probably fell in love with your partner because along with other things, he could make you laugh, right? So why is that stopping now? You know the things that make you laugh and deliberate steps should be taken to restore them.
7. Involve In Self-Care And Personal Growth
Sometimes, we actually have issues in our marriages because we have issues with ourselves. And that can be resolved by going on a personal rediscovery and self-care journey. Go focus on loving yourself, sweetie. That is the only way to really loving others.
8. Build Trust And Forgiveness
You cannot be with another human for so long without them annoying you sometimes or even going as far as hurting you. This can lead to a lifeless marriage and can only bounce back if you practice trust and forgiveness. Because I know how trust and forgiveness is vital to a thriving marriage, there is a whole article on it: 10 Steps On How To Rebuild Trust In A Relationship After Being Lost. I hope it helps!
9. Go For Travel Adventures
Who knows…maybe it is the house, the environment, and seeing the same neighbors every single day that is causing a stiff marriage. My husband and I will always recommend traveling if the money is there because it has been tested and trusted by us and we know it works wonders. Going to new cities and countries and immersing in their cultures can release the tension in your marriage. Go pack a bag already!
10. Seek Professional Help
Sometimes, rekindling passion in marriage may not be as easy as you thought and you may need the help of a professional. Hey, don’t beat yourself over it. Remember it’s the end goal that matters. A professional therapist experienced in how to bring back intimacy in a marriage
would view things from an objective lens and this could be what would give you your desired results.
So yeah, those are the ten tips that should help on how to reignite passion in marriage. Remember that Rome wasn’t built in one day and it is going to take a series of deliberate efforts to see results so don’t give up after a day or two, okay? I am sure that since you love each other, the passion will come back. And when it does come back, I am sure you would want to maintain this. On that, I also got you covered with this article, 6 Simple Tips To Strengthen Your Marriage Daily. Don’t just tell me thank you. Give me feedback. Yes? Oh, that is why you have my heart. Good luck on getting your marriage back!
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