Anger is a normal feeling and can be a positive emotion when it helps you work through issues or problems, whether that’s at work or at home. On the contrary, anger can become problematic if it leads to aggression, outbursts, or even physical altercations.
Anger has destroyed so many relationships today, nobody wants to admit being at fault nor ready to say the word “Sorry” to their partner which mostly heightens the situation and eventually escalates into breakup and divorce that we see today.
I hope this article will help you out to make a decision on how to calm down when angry at boyfriend and what to do when your boyfriend upsets you.
I will point out some steps to take whenever you find yourself in an uncontrollable feeling of rage especially how to control anger in a relationship, but before I dwell on the main point of discussion, let me briefly define what anger means;
According to Bernard Golden, author of Healthy Anger, he described anger as an emotional and subjective experience.
Anger, also known as wrath or rage, is an intense emotional state involving a strong uncomfortable, and non-cooperative response to a perceived provocation, hurt, or threat.
Have you ever seen or heard anyone say her partner has never made her upset in the relationship? We all get angry if we are dissatisfied by others but the thing about anger is that we do react differently.
You see, the honest truth is that there is no perfect relationship in the world, all romantic relationships go through ups and downs.
As we all know that it is normal for couples to bicker, sulk, quarrel, disagree and get angry at each other for not being on the same page.
All of these signs are inevitable in a relationship no matter how experienced or old you are in the relationship, you will fall into the situation if love truly exists in that union.
Your boyfriend will definitely make you angry because he is not perfect and will make some decisions or behave in a particular way that will not meet your approval and that alone can lead to an argument if he does not want to compromise.
How you choose to handle the situation determines the fate of your relationship and the sacrifice you are willing to make for the one you love. Do you want anger to ruin the journey of a beautiful relationship that you have built?
You should always have it at the back of your mind that your partner will surely do something that will annoy you someday no matter how sweet and loving he is.
I know you love him and trust that he is a gentleman but be prepared to handle such unavoidable situations when you come across it so it won’t hit you so hard and knock you off your grid.
There are three types of anger that help shape how we react in a situation that makes us angry, these are Passive Aggression, Open Aggression, and Assertive Anger.
Passive Aggression
Many people do not like to admit that they are angry, because they don’t like confrontation. This comes out in things like becoming silent when you are angry, sulking, procrastinating, and pretending that everything is okay.
Passive aggression comes from a need to be in control. This type of anger is most likely dangerous to one’s health, repressing your anger will affect you.
Open Aggression
This is the opposite of the aforementioned, some people have that natural trait to lash out in anger and rage, they become physically or verbally aggressive and can often times hurt themselves or others.
This type of anger mostly results in fighting, bullying, blackmailing, accusing, shouting, bickering, sarcasm, and criticism.
This expression of anger is more dangerous to our mental and physical health as it can result in bodily harm or depression.
Assertive Anger
The healthy way to deal with anger is by being controlled and confident, talking and listening, and open to help in dealing with the situation.
This Assertive anger can help relationships to grow. It means thinking before you speak, it means being patient; not raising your voice; communicating how you are feeling emotionally, and really trying to understand what others are feeling.
This is a non-aggressive way of expressing your anger; it is a diplomatic and logical process of dealing with anger without damaging your relationship and yourself.
I hope you now understand the category where you belong among these carefully explained anger types but I would recommend you try as much as you can to adopt the last approach so that you can build your relationship in a healthy way.
Anger control is important for helping you avoid saying or doing something you may regret. Now it is time to let you be aware of how to calm down when angry at boyfriend and the steps you need to take to avoid escalation when he provokes you beyond control.
10 SIMPLE STEPS ON HOW TO CALM DOWN WHEN ANGRY AT BOYFRIEND
1. Be Calm And Control Your Anger
Always remember that raising your voice or any form of violent approach won’t resolve the issue, so before reacting or approaching whatever he did to get you upset, go for a walk or do something to calm your nerve and wait until you cool down.
Get hold of yourself and never allow anger to ruin the situation beyond its scale. Try as much as possible to keep your cool in the heat of the moment because anger makes it easy to say something you will later regret that which you can’t take back.
Take a deep breath and be calm before approaching the issue or better still try to cool off somewhere peaceful so as not to lose your temper. This is one of the most helpful ways on how to calm down when angry at boyfriend.
2. Don’t Argue
This is the best way to lessen the tension in any disagreement for peace to reign. Don’t be tempted to let angry words fly, you are more likely to do harm than good.
Arguments cannot solve the whole issue, it worsen the situation. As you keep trying to put forward your point of view, your partner would also want his perception on the matter to be recognized, as a result, both of you want to win when it is not a competition.
Therefore, you should learn to avoid arguing in every situation instead try to listen even when you know he is wrong, his voice will volume down once he noticed he is the only one raising a voice. This is definitely a top tip on how to act when you’re mad at your boyfriend.
3. Ignore Any Provocation
If you sense or notice the situation is beyond your control and becoming more aggressive or verbally provoking, you should try to ignore any form of verbal abuse that might hurt you and make you lose your temper.
When you choose to ignore, it doesn’t mean you admit that you are wrong, it shows maturity and the essence of taking this step is just to avoid prolonging issues that can be settled amicably.
This is not only a great tip on how to calm down when angry at boyfriend but also a magnificent anger management tip. You cannot reach a settlement stage if both of you let out your anger at the same time, one of you needs to calm down.
4. Analyse Whether It Is Worth Fighting For
This generation of couples mostly reacts to every slightest mistake made without a second thought. Some issues might simply be something you can overlook and not worth fighting for, therefore, you should clearly identify the issue as it might only be a small thing that hit you so bad that it seems big based on how you understood the situation.
Do not give room for petty issues to damage your relationship, always be rational in every situation and know what and what not to carelessly react to. Be ready to explain those reasons the best way you can.
5. Don’t Be So Quick To Judge
This is the most crucial step on how to calm down when angry at boyfriend, do not judge him too quickly based on what he says or does.
You should always be patient while dealing with the situation, never go too forward reproaching your partner, give him the chance to talk as he might have his reasons for his action.
Don’t assume your partner knows something, and don’t see ambiguity to allow for actions that may result in a future fight. Instead of blaming him, try and reason from his point of view to avoid future occurrences.
Listen to his side of story to avoid criticizing or putting blame as it might only increase tension. Once you have reached an understanding, a great way to end the argument is to apologize and state what is going to be changed in the attitude or relationship.
According to Sameera Sullivan, psychologist and founder of Lasting Connections, says; “Assumptions and mind-reading usually lead to misunderstanding and hurt feelings”. Hence, you should ask for clarification when in doubt rather than make assumptions that only you can interpret.
6. Give Him A Break
Giving your partner time to think might give him a better understanding and make him realize his action in your absence.
Never frustrate him especially if the issue is fresh. And in the process, you should also take a time out; a few moments of quiet time might help you both feel better and prepare you to handle the situation meticulously without getting irritated or angry.
7. Pray About It
Yes, prayer is the key to every problem, it might seem not necessary to you, but it’s important to seek guidance and pray about the situation.
Prayer can help to settle your soul and clarify your thinking. Pray for him and pray for yourself to have a stronger bond enough to win against every obstacle that wants to put asunder to your union. Prayer will surely calm you down.
8. Communicate And Settle The Dispute As Soon As Possible
Communication is the cornerstone of every relationship, without this, it is likely to fail. Good communication is not about what you say; it’s also about you being an active listener.
When you are calm, try to start a conversation with him to relieve that anger in you and give him the chance to express his point, this is a great way of how to tell your boyfriend he hurts you.
You shouldn’t allow problems to intensify breakup sooner, be willing to approach conflict quickly, and don’t let anger consume your feelings.
Not speaking up and letting out your pent-up emotion, unspoken resentment or bitterness could destroy the relationship. This decision is damaging especially if the other partner doesn’t know.
Expressing your feelings about the issues and laying it all out on the table forces us to work through those problems so there is nothing weighing on our minds throughout the course of the relationship, this will bring about settling the matter and apologizing to one another.
9. Don’t Hate Your Partner
Have you ever felt hatred towards him? This is the beginning of a negative thought in a relationship, little misunderstanding can make you feel hatred towards your partner in an irrational way and fall out of love for the time being which is only a result of your unhappy moment with him.
It is absolutely normal, almost every couple has that tendency to dislike their partner when hurt, they don’t really mean it especially if it is the person they love so dearly, it is just a way of venting out the anger.
So, to get through the tough times and avoid too much negativity, you should reminisce on how you both started your journey, let the good memory cloud your negative feeling and you will realize why you love him and believe in your relationship.
10. Be Ready To Forgive And Forget
Not necessarily because he deserves it or it’s that easy to forget, but because you have been forgiven much too. Forgiveness is a powerful tool.
If you allow anger and other negative feelings to overshadow the positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.
Don’t hold on and let bitterness take root. And don’t bring up past matters whenever it happens next, you should be willing to let go of his past hurtful deeds.
With these brief 10 steps on how to calm down when angry at boyfriend, I hope you’ll be able to tackle that angry situation in your relationship whenever it pops up again and don’t allow it to break you.
For more resourceful articles on how to improve your relationship or marriage, check out these Things Happy Couples Do Every Morning, How To Fix Your Broken Relationship and 30 Things A Man Wants In The Woman Of His Dream.
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