One of the best gifts life could give to anyone is to give them someone to have a deep and genuine connection with. But the thing is not every one gets to do life with the love of their life right by their side. Sometimes, love is separated by thousand of miles. And that is okay… love can still thrive despite such distance between two lovers. We have seen it happen over and over again.
Long distance relationships are unique in the sense they allow you to explore new depths of emotional connection and trust.
The way you love a person in a long distance relationship is definitely not the same way you love in a short distance relationship even though of course, there are similarities. The distance causes you to be more creative than you would ordinarily would be, making it so beautiful.
But let’s face it, long distance relationships are also incredibly challenging. The long distance relationship problems that couples face when separated by miles can be daunting, causing doubts and fear to creep in. No matter how much you both love each other, you have to face atleast one issue common to long distance relationships.
My best friend and younger sister were once in long distance relationships for years and man, I can dare say that long distance relationships are definitely not for the faint hearted because the problems can nearly drive one crazy at times. Trust me, I know it is not easy.
Is It Normal To Have Problems In A Long-Distance Relationship?
Absolutely yes! I mean, having long distance relationship struggles does not mean that your relationship is not the right one or that you two do not really love each other. Heck, even short distance relationships, the ones we deem ‘normal’ have issues too and we do not find that weird. So why should we think otherwise for long distance relationships just because they encounter problems?
What Causes Long Distance Relationships To Fail?
A lot of problems can cause long distance relationships to fail. These problems have their primary root in the miles that are separating the lovers from each other. But hey, don’t panic— long distance relationships problems only make the relationships fail if couples do not put in the work to fix them. See, these problems have solutions and if you both are ready to put in the effort, you will get them. Relationships require sacrifices and if you can’t give that, what makes you think that your short distance relationships will not fail too, uh?
I am sure in your head, you are saying, “Alright, fine, fine, you have said it is normal to have long distance relationships and you have also said they can also be fixed but how?”
Well, from my observations and years of research, I have seen the pattern to how long distance relationships fail and I have noted not only the problems behind it but also the solution that would fix them. And I have summed the issues into ten problems which I am going to be dealing with in this article.
So enough talking, let’s get right to the action which I am sure you all have been waiting for. So here are ten reasons why long distance relationships dont work and how to conquer them:
1. Lack of Communication:
This is the first one on my list of long distance relationship problems and it shouldn’t be a surprise because this is like the trademark issue of any long distance relationship.
Why? That is because communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. The miles separating you two can cause friction in the communication, then leading to misunderstandings and emotional detachment if you are not careful.
There is this joy from seeing your partner and hearing their voice and this cannot be easily gotten from a long distance relationship. Also, different locations can cause variations in lifestyle and so the time you are able to communicate may not be the same time your partner can. And even though it is not your fault, there could still be unhealthy tension as a result.
My younger sister had this issue when she and her husband were living in the different continents for some time and man, I could see how it was really not easy for her. One year before they finally lived together, they were able to finally fix the issue. Of course, I asked how she did it.
She gave me a few tips which I am going to share now.
The first one is that you set communication expectations with your partner. That is, you discuss with your partner how often you both should communicate and through what means. For some people, it could be twice daily, once daily or even every other day. And also, voice calls, texts or video calls could be suitable for some people and not suitable for others. You both should discuss what would suit you best and once there is an agreement, efforts should be made to adhere to it.
Also, you should know it is not really about the frequency of the communication but the quality so please, make every time you communicate with each other count!
And oh, be creatively spontaneous—it keeps the romance alive! If you both are used to calls, send a lovely text once in a while and if you can order a hand written mail, do it!
And yes, plan visits. Distance should never be a barrier to visits. And because of the miles, it doesn’t matter how long the visit was planned for as long as it actually happens.
Finally, I would advise you to be patient and understanding. Lapses in communication are bound to happen but it shouldn’t mean you should flare up. In cases like this, I hope you wait for an explanation before worrying yourself and then discuss how to restore the communication balance.
Doing things like this helps to not only keep the communication alive but also make it thrive.
And hey, if you think you need more tips on how to improve communication, then feel free to check out How To Improve Communication In A Relationship In 7 Simple Steps! and thank me later!
2. Trust Issues:
Trust can easily become fragile in a long distance relationship and I can totally understand why. Not being within distance of your partner can make you or your partner imagine the unimaginable and begin to sense and suspect what may not be there especially in situations when commuication and self esteem is on the low. It is nothing new. It is one of the long distance relationship problems I usually encounter when counselling couples who are far from each other.
And I am going to tell you something I have always told them. Transparent commuication is key in such cases. And when I say transparent commuication, I mean that both of you should sincerely discuss what you are comfortable with concerning your partner and what you are not comfortable with. This will make both of you aware of what can cause misinterpretation of situations and consequently trust issues. For instance, if your partner is not comfortable with you staying at a the house of a friend of the opposite gender late at night, then you should know that doing that would cause issues in your relationship especially as your partner is not there to be sure that nothing bad is going on.
And also, reassurance matters! You should be able to affirm to your partner and vice versa the love you both have for each other. That and discussing your daily lives frequently will help assuage doubts in the relationship.
3. Time Zone Differences:
Jeez, difference in time zones for partners living in different countries is one of the long distance relationship problems that can be very tricky because it can make commuication a challenge. But hey, creativity can easily fix this. For instance, you both can look for a time during the day when you can be free.
This time should be your quality time and man, you have to take the most advantage of it.
Also, you can download world clock app that can help you take note of your time zone and that of your partner and then plan accordingly. It will make things easier for you both.
Finally, be flexible. At times, it wouldn’t be as easy but you being creative, understanding and willing to sacrifice for each other will make things better.
4. Loneliness
You not having the love of your life right besides you can make you feel incredibly lonely. This can be worsened when people around you are doing life together with their partners.
But remembering how you love your partner could help you persevere. And if there is a chance that you two could be united any time soon, you should hold onto that hope. If the waves of the loneliness come over you, instead of letting it overwhelm you, you can send a message to your partner, talking about what happened to you that day. I am sure their response will make you feel better.
All in all, do not let the feeling of loneliness begin to make you grumble and become distant from your partner. That is where the trouble starts. Rather, you should intensify commuication until you begin to feel better.
Surrounding yourself with your family and friends helps so you wouldn’t easily feel overwhelmed. And you should set goals, be it couple goals or personal goals so that you would have a sense of purpose. That should help combat loneliness.
Hope that helps? Yes? Then let’s move on!
5. Financial Strain:
We have already agreed that visits, despite the miles, help to boost the relationship but man, you and I know that they are not definitely not easy on the pockets. Have you seen how much for a plane ticket recently? If you have, then you would know that money issue is one of the long distance relationship problems couples face just because they want to keep their connection booming.
One of the few tips that can help with this is for you to save towards this aspect and then carefully budget for each visit, putting all expenses into account so you wouldn’t be caught unaware concerning a payment to be made. Another tip is that you explore affordable travel options so that you wouldn’t break the bank.
I recommend staycations as well because it is affordable. Staycation is where you both look for a destination that is in between your homes and then spend quality time there.
Sounds cool right? Good.
6. Jealousy and Insecurity:
Yeah, yeah, jealousy and insecurities are bound to happen in a LDR but hey, don’t panic, even short distance relationships experience this as well. Good news is that it can be fixed it you want to.
Going through with tips like knowing what your triggers are, having open commuication with your partner and of course building self confidence can go a long way in improving your relationship and eliminating insecurities.
7. Different Futures:
Sometimes, the thousand of miles separating you two can affect your future, causing it to no longer be in sync. While this can be a source of worry for long term relationships, it can be remedied if both of you are ready to put in the work.
When a situation like this arise, open dialogue is important so that the other person is aware of what is happening. Then there is compromise.
What is a relationship without compromise? It is very important because if the relationship has to move forward, then a common ground has to be reached.
8. Lack of Physical Intimacy:
Lack of physical intimacy is one of the common long distance relationship problems couples talk about when they come to me for counselling. And it is a very detrimental issue because most couples can’t stay without physical intimacy.
If it is inadequate physical intimacy, I can understand since it is a LDR, but if it is a lack of, then there is something amiss because why are visits not being planned to bring about such connection?
You now see why visits, no matter the distance, is very important?
9. Misunderstandings and Miscommunication:
Misunderstanding and miscommunications is one of the long distance relationship problems that couples usually encounter because of the miles separating them. But the good news is that it can be easily fixed with the help of great tips like active listening when your partner is talking and using direct language when you are the one speaking. Using emoji to indicate emotions can also help to clarify written messages. And please, please, always give your partner benefit of doubts before making assumptions because that is the easiest route to misunderstandings. Got it? Good, now, let’s move on to the last one on this list of long distance relationships problems and how we can fix them.
10. External Pressures:
Trust me, it is so easy to listen to third parties when your partner is not right there by your side to assuage doubts, letting them crowd your relationship. And while the people around you may be giving advice with good intentions, it may not necessarily be for the best. I have seen so many people bite their fingers in regret because they allow their LDR to fail thanks to external influences.
And honestly, I think you should take time to discern the noise from the facts even though they come from people who care about you. This is your relationship here and it is your business. Never forget that. It is your happiness that is at stake, not that of others.
So appreciate the third parties for their good intentions but make sure to set boundaries. And don’t dance easily to the tune of whatever you hear from others. Think first if you should be dancing at all. That way, others would not easily chip into your relationship and you would be happier and feel more in control knowing that every decision you made concerning your relationship came from you! This is why as much as I love my younger sister and thought I knew so much, she didn’t allow me to dictate what she should do and what she shouldn’t do.
And finally, we are done unraveling the ten long distances relationship problems common to couples in such relationship and how to fix them. It is a lot, I know but thank goodness, we are more better for it as long as we apply these tips. Again, I will tell you, no relationship whether LDR or not, is without problem. That is the misconception most people have making them to be tired of long distance relationship and then avoiding it. The important thing is that you join hands together to figure out a way to make it work. And because I love when people are happy in their beautiful relationships, I am here doing as much as I can to contribute my own quota to your happiness. Heck, there is even another article, How To Make A Long-Distance Relationship Work! that you can check out and will give you more long distance relationship tips to help out. And if you want to contribute to my own happiness, don’t forget to give me feedback.
Cheers to us having beautiful relationships!
Pin This For Later!