Every relationship is different and there isn’t any that is 100% perfect but that doesn’t mean you should ignore signs of an unhealthy relationship just because.
There are days when everyone just feels irritable, easily angered, and exhausted, and, understandably, on those days their emotions will spill into their relationship but it is paramount that you remind yourself that you deserve a relationship that is healthy and where you feel heard and supported.
In my early twenties, I was once in a seemingly healthy relationship in which I loved my then-boyfriend with my whole heart literally. I felt like he completed me; we were from the same ethnic and cultural background, had the same religious views, and even supported the same football (soccer) club.
I wasn’t your regular girly girl in my days so having a boyfriend that “saw” me for who I was, was a definitive plus. Having a boyfriend I could talk sports and politics with, without feeling like a weird 22-year-old who doesn’t know makeup was bliss.
We watch football games together and if we couldn’t we spend hours after the match talking about it and everything in between. But then again it started as subtle as it could get that I always wrote it off.
From subtle comments about my love handles to teasing taunts about my belly fat; “For someone that loves sport, your stomach is too big” “You’re kind of fat oh, don’t you think you should join me on weekends for some workouts” “Wow! You have this much love handles for someone of your size” Mind you, I was a 5 feet 3 inches of 130lb of goodness.
My initial response was always “A woman’s stomach is not meant to be as flat as a board; she literally has another human home inside her” or “I love myself as I am”.
But boy oh boy, I’d be lying if I tell you that those constant side comments didn’t dig at me and my self-confidence over time. I even developed stomach ulcer later because I subconsciously starved myself to reduce my fupa or my love handles.
And the funny thing is that I never even saw other shades of red flags until I said “Enough is enough” and broke up with him for my own damn good; like all the times we talked but never took notice of the details.
All the times he ‘patronized’ me but didn’t really hear what I was saying. Even the times he ‘supported’ me but never motivated or encouraged me. I started this blog a few weeks before we started dating and I didn’t see it as a red flag that while he claimed to support me, he didn’t even know what my blog was about or what its name was (lol).
It wasn’t until I dated my then-boyfriend and now my husband that I truly understood what a supportive partner in every stroke of its letters meant.
I went through that so that I can boldly tell you that you deserve a partner who supports you and your interests! You deserve someone who would learn what ‘sphygmomanometer’ is just because you’re a nurse or how to set up your ring light because you’re a content creator and it goes both ways!
If you have suspicions that you might be in an unhealthy relationship, I’d always advise that you spend some quality time evaluating the impact it might or has had on your life, whether the issues can be fixed, or if it’s time to throw in the towel.
In the intricate dance of love and companionship, it’s easy to miss the red flags signaling an unhealthy relationship. Whether it’s your first romance or a long-term commitment, recognizing the early signs of toxicity is crucial for your emotional well-being.
What Is An Unhealthy Romantic Relationship?
An unhealthy romantic relationship is a relationship that is characterized by patterns of behavior that undermine the well-being of one or both partners. It can manifest in various forms, including emotional manipulation, verbal abuse, physical violence, and controlling behaviors.
In such relationships, communication tends to be strained, trust is eroded, and individual identities may be suppressed. Ultimately, an unhealthy romantic relationship takes a toll on the mental, emotional, and sometimes physical health of those involved.
What Causes Unhealthy Relationships?
Unhealthy relationships often stem from unresolved issues, deep-seated insecurities, or learned behaviors from past experiences. Insecurity and jealousy can fuel possessiveness and control, while unresolved trauma may lead to emotional volatility and aggression.
Unhealthy patterns can also be perpetuated by societal norms or familial influences that normalize toxic behaviors. Additionally, poor communication skills, lack of empathy, and an imbalance of power dynamics contribute to the deterioration of relationships.
10 Signs You’re In An Unhealthy Relationship
From subtle manipulations to outright abuse, here are the 10 warning signs of an unhealthy relationship that you should never ignore:
1. Lack of Communication
One of the most common signs of an unhealthy relationship is poor communication because healthy relationships thrive on open, honest communication.
If conversations are one-sided, superficial, or laced with hostility, it’s a red flag that shouldn’t be ignored. Ignoring each other’s feelings or refusing to address conflicts only breeds resentment and distance.
I used to be a poor communicator both in my romantic and platonic relationships because I hated confrontation and therefore avoided conflict at all times.
I saw serious talks about boundaries or even what someone is doing that adversely affects me as a confrontation and so I rather keep quiet about it than talk about it.
That wasn’t good for my relationships and friendships at large because I was inadvertently breeding unbridgeable distance between my partners and me.
It wasn’t until I decided to recognize my ineffective communication patterns and tackle them head-on by implementing these 7 tips for effective communication in a relationship that I saw improvements in my relationships and daily living.
Effective communication helps create a deeper connection with your partner and is one of the key elements for maintaining a healthy relationship.
If your partner is using negative statements when talking to you, you won’t feel secure expressing yourself, feelings, and self-doubt because you’d feel inadequate and/or demeaned.
If you’re experiencing any of these from your partner or your relationship is experiencing communication problems such as not talking about important issues, not listening or being heard, getting defensive at slight notice, expecting the other person to read your mind or just flat out stonewalling to avoid confronting problems in the relationship then you have one big red flag on your hand that you shouldn’t ignore.
2. Constant Criticism
Constructive feedback is essential for growth, but constant criticism is toxic. If your partner belittles, humiliates, or undermines you on a regular basis, it’s a sign of emotional abuse. No one should make you feel small or unworthy in a relationship.
Constant criticism often stems from contempt one has for his or her partner and the most soul-crushing experience of it is if your partner ridicules or criticizes you in public. It so much of shame, embarrassment and disrespect that no one should ever tolerate from his or her partner.
Because what might start out as small putting down will eventually lead to a range of emotions such as feeling rejected, shame, guilt, loneliness, social anxiety and nonexistent self-esteem. Get out before its too late, if you are already in then get out now and if you aren’t in yet, then look out with your eyes wide open because this is one of the unhealthy relationship signs that doesn’t start out brightly red.
3. Jealousy and Possessiveness
While jealousy can be a normal emotion, excessive jealousy and possessiveness are not. If your partner constantly monitors your whereabouts, restricts your interactions, or accuses you without cause, it’s a clear indication of insecurity and control issues.
Constant insecurity from a partner is like an endless well, you will continue to fall deeper into it and soon enough your self-doubts may become like a deafening echo which swallows your voice.
I like my man being jealous and possessive once in a while or when situations call for, it is hot but when it transcends into excessive jealousy stemming from needless insecurities, it is no longer hot but suffocating.
An obsessively insecure partner is a clear indication that he/she lacks confidence in your value in the relationship and doesn’t trusts you completely. And what is the use of being in a relationship with someone you don’t value nor trusts.
But if there is even an iota of substance to the insecurities, then you both need to face them squarely together and solidify your bond.
4. Isolation
Healthy relationships encourage individuality and autonomy. However, in an unhealthy relationship, one partner may isolate the other from friends, family, or hobbies, creating dependency and reinforcing control. Feeling isolated and cut off from your support network is one of the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship you need to take seriously.
Isolation is one aspect of controlling behaviours that you need to watch out for because it oftentimes starts with subtle manipulation that might seem affectionate and loving at first but then it grows into total cutoffs from friends, family, and even sometimes communication and finances. It might start with a little “why are you always hanging out with your friend Suzzy. I want to see you more but you always spend Tuesday evenings with your girls” to “Delete Suzzy’s number, block her on social media and I don’t want to ever see her in this house. She is no longer welcomed here because I say so”.
5. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation aimed at making you doubt your own sanity. If your partner denies your reality, trivializes your feelings, or blames you for their actions, it’s a tactic to maintain power and control over you.
6. Lack of Boundaries
Respect for boundaries is crucial in any relationship. If your partner disregards your boundaries, whether physical, emotional, or sexual, it’s a violation of your autonomy and consent. Boundaries should be honored and respected without question.
7. Escalating Arguments
Conflict is inevitable in relationships, but it should be resolved constructively. If arguments escalate into screaming matches, name-calling, or physical altercations, it crosses the line into toxicity. Healthy relationships prioritize finding solutions and compromise, not winning at any cost.
8. Financial Control
Money can be a contentious issue in relationships, but financial control is a form of abuse. If your partner controls all the finances, limits your access to money, or uses money to manipulate you, it’s a sign of power imbalance and coercion.
9. Emotional Manipulation
Manipulative tactics such as guilt-tripping, silent treatment, or threats are common in unhealthy relationships. Your partner may use emotional manipulation to get their way or keep you in line, disregarding your feelings and autonomy in the process.
10. Physical Violence
Perhaps the most blatant warning sign, physical violence should never be tolerated in a relationship. Whether it’s pushing, hitting, or any form of physical harm, it’s a clear indication of an abusive dynamic that poses a serious risk to your safety and well-being.
How Do Unhealthy Relationships Make You Feel?
Unhealthy relationships can evoke a range of negative emotions, including anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. You may feel trapped, powerless, or constantly on edge, fearing the next outburst or confrontation. Your emotions may be invalidated, dismissed, or weaponized against you, leaving you doubting your own perceptions and reality. Over time, the toll of an unhealthy relationship can lead to a sense of isolation, hopelessness, and a loss of identity.
How Do I Know If It’s Love Or Toxic?
Distinguishing between love and toxicity can be challenging, especially when emotions run high. In a healthy relationship, love is nurturing, supportive, and respectful. Both partners feel valued, heard, and accepted for who they are. Conversely, toxic relationships are marked by manipulation, disrespect, and a lack of boundaries. If you find yourself constantly walking on eggshells, feeling drained, or questioning your self-worth, it may be a sign of toxicity rather than love.
Conclusion On Signs Of An Unhealthy Relationship
Recognizing the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship is the first step toward reclaiming your happiness and autonomy. Trust your instincts and prioritize your emotional well-being above all else. Remember, love should uplift, empower, and respect you. If your relationship exhibits any of these warning signs, seek support from trusted friends, family, or professionals. You deserve to be in a healthy, loving relationship where your needs are valued and respected.
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