Breakup, whether you initiated it or not, is never easy. The heartbreak from seeing a relationship that you invested so much emotions in can not be described and at that time, you are certainly not looking for how to move on after a breakup.
Like, you met that person that could cause butterflies to flutter in your belly, someone who could make you laugh so easily and make you feel good and you thought you could do this day after day on end with that person. You were in a beautiful bubble and you were happy.
Then abruptly, cracks began to appear…cracks that you could not fix no matter how much you tried. The bubble disappeared and you became unhappy. And even though it was the hardest thing for you to do, you decided that it would be better if you two separated.
The question of how the relationship could end up this way is going to keep hammering in every part of your body and the worst thing is that you would not have the answer to it…at least not immediately. But it is important that no matter how broken you feel that you let go of the relationship and move on with your life.
The relationship has taken so much from you and you should do what you can to stop it from continuing to take more from you. And because I seriously care about you and your happiness in every aspect of your life, from my abundant experiences as a counselor, I am going to give you ten tips that would help you on how to move on after a breakup. So yeah, if you are ready like I am, let’s get into the tips on how to move on after a breakup.
1. Accept Your Feelings
One of the ways to help you on how to move on after a breakup is to process your emotions because you are sure going to have a lot of them in this difficult time of your life. The sooner you feel everything there is to feel, the sooner you will get relief.
I remember a year ago when I was hanging out with a friend and she received a phone call within my hearing. My friend told the caller to stop crying that it would do her no good. After the call, the friend told me the caller called it quits with her boyfriend just two days before.
I had to tell my friend that telling the caller not to cry after a recent breakup was a bad idea and would not help her on how to move on after breakup with boyfriend. I explained why the caller has to feel every emotion there is to feel, be it anger or sadness. That it only becomes unhealthy when it goes on for too long.
My friend had to call the caller back again to refine her advice. Being a counselor for several years has taught me how important it is for someone to go through the whirlwind of their emotions no matter how intense they may be so that they could fully heal in the future.
What are the 5 stages after a breakup?
According to research, there are five stages that you would go through after a breakup especially when you are not the one that initiated it.
The first one is the denial stage.
Denial is the first response you have when you are splitting from someone you care about. It acts like a shock absorber for you to be able to adjust to the new situation. For some people, this stage is a brief one before the bubble is pierced by the claws of reality. For others, the stage can be frighteningly long depending on the person’s psychological wellbeing and how the relationship was to them.
The second one is the Anger stage. This is where you feel all the rage of abruptly losing someone you care about…someone you thought was going to do this forever thing with you.
The third one is the bargaining stage. Here, you would do anything to restore the relationship or atleast, make sure you both are still friends. This is usually a bad idea to carry out but you wouldn’t help doing it most times until sense finally dawn on you.
The fourth stage is the depression stage where you begin to feel the withdrawal symptoms. Nothing makes sense to you anymore and you want to be left alone.
You will feel this stage for a relatively long time until you get to the final stage which is acceptance. In this stage, you will finally accept that the relationship has really ended and there is nothing you can do to salvage it.
2. Cut Off Contact
Another very vital tip on how to move on after a breakup is to cut off contact with your recent ex as completely as you can. They say, “out of sight is out of mind” and that is true in every post breakup phase. Having access to your partner like calling them or seeing their updates on social media like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram is like peeling the flesh off a wound every damn time it tries to heal.
So, you have to do as much as you can to make sure you eliminate things that would trigger memories in your heart and that can go as far as moving out of the neighborhood.
3. Lean on Your Support System
What are your family and family for if they are not there in the difficult times of your life. It is now that you would need their emotional and sometimes physical support.
A breakup might make you feel that you do not deserve to be loved and committed to but that feeling would be countered by your family and friends who have been there for years.
They would remind you that you are loved by so many people and that they are there for you. So basking in their presence and love is certainly a good box to tick on how to move on after a breakup.
4. Focus on Self-Care
Feeling mentally and emotionally bruised is one of the effects of splitting from someone you care about. You pay less attention to the things you love and make you happy and prefer to carry on the air of depression and negligence around you.
But honestly, if you are interested in how to move on fast from a heartbreak, then you should know focusing on taking care of yourself is one of the easy ways to do that. So go on a trip, baby girl, do a pedicure and manicure and have fun with people that make you happy. Taking care of yourself will help you bounce back to yourself easily.
5. Set Goals and Prioritize Yourself
In your journey on how to move on after a break up, it is imperative that you set goals that would take you out of your comfort zone. Not only would trying to carry them out distract you from the fact that your partner is no longer in your life, accomplishing them would give you a sense of pride.
Your self- esteem would be boosted with every new goal you hit and you would believe in yourself more than ever before. Having a degree, learning a skill or even a goal as simple as reading a book will go a long way in helping you on how to move on after a break up.
I enrolled for a class in communication three months after I broke up with my then boyfriend. And not only did it soothe my bruised ego, I met another smart, kind and funny coursemate who is now my loving husband. So you see how it was a win-win for me?
Looking for how to improve yourself after a breakup should be a decision that you should make for not only yourself but for those that still depend on you. So yeah, do things that would make you high-fived yourself and then watch your former relationship relegate to the background of your mind.
6. Reflect on the Relationship
One thing that I have always believed is that there is something to learn from the things that happen to us, whether good or bad, and that includes failed relationships.
Pondering on the highs and lows of the relationships and why it fell apart could give you a few pointers on how to do better in another relationship. When you think of your failed relationship as an experience to learn from and not a despicable stain in your past, you will be walking a step in the right direction of how to move on after a break up.
7. Stay Positive and Grateful
When I was a child, my grandma, of blessed memory, would tell me that there is a lot of power in the mind whenever I had a downtime. And as I grew older, I realized that if that is not the truth, then I don’t know what else is. Your mind and the web of thoughts it spins in you can influence how you feel at a particular time and the actions you carry out.
If you want to know how to move on from someone you love, then you have to forgive yourself and do things that would make you think positively of yourself. And if your mistakes were the cause of the breakup, remind yourself that you are human and not impenetrable to flaws.
Don’t go sinking in regrets and go about carrying on the air of self-loathing. Would regrets bring the relationship back? No, right? So why then would you do the very thing that would only detract from you when you can control your mind to think positively? Think about it.
8. Embrace New Opportunities
Just because something that you worked so hard for it to work out didn’t does not mean you should be afraid to embrace new chances that would come your way to better yourself. Sweetie, never do that. Accept what would make you better yourself.
Infact, a breakup is your cue to go out there and open yourself to the new beautiful things that are going to come your way. Being afraid to open your heart to new people and opportunities is so not one of the ways that will help you on how to get over a breakup. Rather, you will become stagnant and you will hate yourself more. You don’t want that for yourself, do you?
9. Seek Professional Help if Needed
Some of the tips that I have already given on how to move on after a breakup may not be enough to give you the healing that you deserve and you need experienced assistance.
And it is okay for you to seek such help. Really, it is. Instead of you being disgusted at yourself for seeking help because of a breakup, see it in another light…that maybe, the relationship meant so much to you and that is why you are really taking it this hard.
Going to a therapist that would help you professionally on how to process your feelings and put your past behind you could be a right step in how to move on after a breakup. Now let me tell you something that would kinda shock you: I went to a therapist. Oh yes, I did.
And in fact, Linda was so good at what she did and her tips on how to move on after a breakup when you are still in love were so damn helpful that she became my inspiration behind my decision of becoming a therapist myself. So you see, it is nothing to freak about and if therapy is what is going to help you, then do it.
10. Be Patient with Yourself
Lastly, be patient with yourself. I can never overemphasize this enough. You don’t think that after months upon months of commiting to someone, you would learn how to move on from a breakup fast, do you? Come on, you loved that person.
The fact that you did is a guarantee that it would take time for you to move on so give yourself that gift of patience and forget the idea that you want to know how to move on fast.
Trying to rush out of everything you felt for that person would only make you want to do things that are not healthy for you. So yeah, be patient with yourself and slowly but surely, you will find yourself on the right track on how to move on from heartbreak.
How Long Does It Take To Move On After A Breakup?
According to research, it generally takes three months to six months to get over a partner and move on. Some studies conducted among women in major US states show that people generally began to feel better in the eleventh week after a break up.
In conclusion, I can say with certainty that even though a breakup is a terrible thing to happen to anyone, it is not the end of the world. My big sis told me that a bad break up is definitely better than a miserable relationship and I want you to know this too.
I hope with everything in me that these ten tips on how to move on after a breakup would definitely be of help to you so you could soon move out of that miserable loop you have put yourself in since your breakup.
Sweetie, there is so much inside of you, there is so much for you to do and there are so many beautiful people that you are going to meet and you will not let a break up put you in one spot. I have been there and I got out and I know you will, too.
Save this for later!