How to be independent in a relationship? How can I be more independent in my relationship? Is it possible to be independent in a relationship? All these and many more have I thought about countless times during my dating era and even beyond.
In the intricate twining of love and compassion, finding a delicate balance between togetherness and independence is an art that many strive to master especially in a world that romanticizes becoming one with your partner.
I’m not saying cultivating a shared sense of being or building togetherness with your partner is bad but while the bond between partners is undeniably special, it is equally important to celebrate and nurture the unique identity of each person involved.
It is high time we start embracing the notion that two whole individuals, each with their dreams, aspirations, and autonomy, can create a partnership that is not only enduring but also rich with personal fulfillment.
So, join us as we embark on the exploration of how to be independent in your relationship without compromising the magic that makes your connection uniquely yours because true interdependence is built upon a foundation self-discovery and mutual respect.
Is It Possible To Be Independent In A Relationship?
Absolutely, it is not only possible but also crucial to maintain a sense of independence within a relationship.
Independence in a relationship does not mean isolation or emotional detachment; rather, it involves you retaining your autonomy, personal goals, and a healthy self-identity while being part of a partnership.
Being independent in a relationship, gives you a chance, to be free, set healthy boundaries, makes you more relaxed in a relationship, you get to achieve your personal goals on your own, without being a burden to your partner.
Maintaining Independence in a Relationship: Balancing ‘We’ and ‘Me’
There are several ways to be independent in a relationship ranging from physical independence to emotional independence and even financial independence. Being independent in a relationship involves maintaining your individuality, pursuing your personal goals, and nurturing a strong sense of self while still being part of a partnership. Here are some practical tips to foster independence in a relationship, I swear by this tips as they’ve helped me not only maintain independence in my relationships but also balance independence in marriage and as such, strengthened my husband and I’s connection.
1. Set And Communicate Boundaries
One of the fastest killers of a relationship is “uncommunicated boundaries” and one of the foremost ways of maintaining independence in a relationship is “setting boundaries” especially those that are tied to your personal values.
During my sophomore year in college, I used to date a guy that I had all sorts of boundary issues with. So, because he was a classmate of mine from high school and we reconnected in college, I assumed he knew about my ‘waiting until marriage’ rule I had in high school because this strict rule caused a ruckus in my junior year and as such limited my dating potential in high school to practically nonexistent.
Unfortunately, he didn’t and I assumed he did; so because we didn’t outrightly communicate our ‘bedroom’ goals, we started having values problems and like I said, it’s the fastest relationship killer. I bet you can guess how it ended too.
Having boundaries that are important and super personal to you is a great way of ‘retaining your self’ in a relationship and clearly communicating these boundaries to your partner helps to either strengthen or break your bond because you’d come to know of a partner that cares about you. Here are 7 ways to communicate your boundaries more effectively.
2. Pursue Your Personal Goals
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you should abandon your personal goals and aspirations. While it’s good to set couple’s goals with your partner, it is also imperative that you have your own personal goals.
Actively working towards your personal goals provides a sense of purpose and fulfillment. It might involve career aspirations, educational pursuits, or personal development. Whatever it is, share them with your partner and also encourage them to have theirs too.
Sharing these goals with your partner fosters support and creates a space where both individuals can grow together while maintaining their unique identities.
3. Maintain Individual Hobbies And Interests
One of the crucial ways of maintaining independence in a relationship is to cultivate hobbies and interests that are unique to you.
Having personal hobbies and interests outside the relationship adds depth to your identity. It allows you to bring diverse experiences and perspectives to the partnership.
One of my interest is amateur soccer coaching. Yes, I know you might be surprised but its one of my layers that people are always shocked about when they find out.
During the early days when I was dating my husband, we had a ritual where every fortnight weekend is spent discussing my soccer match as an amateur coach. Having someone to share my painful losses and exhilarating wins added a fun perspective to our relationship.
If all we did was discuss my interests then it’d obviously get one-sided. So, we definitely spent times sharing in his hobbies too. One of those hobbies was archery and I even tried it a couple of times.
Encouraging your partner to pursue their interests independently creates a supportive environment for individual growth because sometimes all your partner needs is freedom and the knowing that you also want the best for them and is solidly behind them.
4. Nurture Friendships Outside The Relationship
Your partners friends are not your friends, yes, they ARE NOT! I don’t know how I’m going to emphasize this enough but your partner’s friends are not your friends, and vice versa. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t friendly them; be friendly but always remember that they aren’t your friends.
Keep your friends even when you’re in a relationship, nurture your friendships! Just as you water your relationship to strengthen your bond, so should you likewise water your friendships.
I have seen women and men alike complain after a breakup that they are friendless because they abandoned their friends during their relationship; this is usually due to the insistence of their then girlfriends or boyfriends.
Maintaining connections with friends and family outside the relationship is essential for a well-rounded social life. They provide emotional support, different perspectives, and contribute to your overall well-being and growth.
5. How To Balance Independence In A Relationship: Financial Independence
If you’re looking for how to be independent in a marriage or relationship then it doesn’t get better than talking about financial independence.
Financial independence involves taking responsibility for your financial well-being. It includes contributing to shared expenses and making informed financial decisions.
One of the most important aspect of financial independence in a relationship is maintaining a level of financial independence even if you share financial responsibilities in the relationship.
Having individual financial goals and being transparent about financial matters fosters a sense of accountability and trust within the relationship.
Except you’re happy being a stay-at-home partner that doesn’t work, you should be responsible for your own financial well-being, at least to an extent, and then you should contribute to the shared expenses as agreed upon.
For us ‘sprinkle sprinkle’ girlies or those that grew up in African homes where it’s a norm that the man is the provider, you can maintain financial independence and also assist in the home by picking up medium to menial bills, if its recurring then its even better.
6. Self-Care And Well Being
Self-care is the greatest self-love and what better way of loving your partner than loving yourself first. You can’t give the love you don’t have and you can’t maintain your independence if you don’t prioritize yourself in certain situations.
Prioritizing self-care goes beyond physical well-being. It encompasses activities that promote mental and emotional health, such as meditation, exercise, and hobbies.
While engaging in individual self-care, I find it important to also engage in some couple’s self-care activities; they will strengthen your bond and support for each other.
Ensuring your partner understands the importance of self-care and supporting each other in maintaining well-being strengthens both individual and collective resilience.
7. Regular Check-Ins
Regular self-assessment and open communication with your partner are crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship. Reflecting on your emotions, needs, and the overall satisfaction within the partnership allows for adjustments and ensures that both individuals feel heard and understood.
8. Balancing Alone Time And Quality Time
Finding the right balance between alone time and quality time as a couple requires understanding each other’s need for space and connection. This balance varies for every couple and may evolve over time. It is about recognizing that both are essential for personal rejuvenation and the sustainability of the relationship.
9. Encourage Independence In Your Partner
Supporting your partner’s independence involves actively encouraging and celebrating their individual achievements, goals, and pursuits. This support creates an environment where both individuals feel empowered to grow independently, fostering a sense of mutual respect and admiration.
10. Cultivate Emotional Intelligence
Emotional independence involves maintaining a strong sense of self-worth and resilience. While relying on your partner for emotional support is healthy, being emotionally independent ensures that you can navigate challenges and setbacks with a degree of self-reliance, contributing to a more stable and balanced relationship.
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