If you’re looking for what to talk about before getting married, or you don’t know what you’re supposed to talk about with a man before you marry him. Then this blog post is for you.
I’ll make a couple of disclaimers. It’s not a comprehensive list; this is not everything that you should talk about.
But I chose 50 questions that you should ask a man before you ever marry him. These are not all questions I came up with myself.
I polled some lovely women, which was a few thousand women and asked them, “What are some questions that you think should be on this list based on your own marriage or marriages that you have seen?” and I came up with this list.
Another disclaimer before we begin: this isn’t some list to whip out on the second date and start checking things off and asking a guy these questions.
These questions can be talked about and discussed over time, and only you can decide the timeline of these questions. It’s not like you should start talking about this at three months and this at six months.
It’s a natural progression as your relationship gets more serious to talk about many of these things.
A lot of these questions are for when your relationship gets more serious, is heading more toward marriage—with a guy that you are in a serious relationship with.
A lot of these things can be talked about throughout dating as well, not when it’s so serious, but they naturally come up as a relationship naturally progresses.
Since I am a Christian, some of these have to do with the faith. So if those don’t apply to your life, you can just skip over those. You can also make these questions your own.
You don’t have to talk about them or ask them to some guy verbatim. Make them your own words, your own language, whatever that might be.
Lastly, some of the answers to these questions you will see in his behavior over time.
For instance, when you ask him about what his health and eating habits are, you should be able to see that if you’ve been dating him for a couple of months or a year or two years.
You can observe and you can see what the answers are, but you can also talk to him about what that might be.
50 Questions To Ask A Guy Before You Ever Marry Him
1. How many children do you wish to have?
2. What is your timeline for having children?
3. Have there ever been any marriages you’ve witnessed that shape your view of marriage positively or negatively?
4. Is being close to extended family important to you?
5. What are your political priorities and hot-button issues that you are passionate about?
6. What are the things that your parents did well that you wish to replicate in your own marriage, and what are the things that they did not do so well that you wish to avoid in your own marriage?
7. How do you view the role and parameters of our parents in our relationship and in the lives of any future children we might have?
8. Do you have debt? How much?
9. Do you have savings? How much?
10. What is your credit score?
11. What are your financial priorities in your life?
12. Do you want to have a joint bank account or a separate bank account with your future spouse?
13. Who do you expect in a marriage to actually handle the paying of bills?
14. How much do you foresee it being okay to spend without consulting your spouse?
15. What is your plan for home security? Are you okay with having guns in the house?
16. Do you expect your wife to be a stay-at-home mom?
17. Would you be okay with me working even if we have children?
18. How do you envision holidays looking with our families?
19. What customs or traditions do you want to carry into your own family, especially if these are from childhood?
20. Where do you want to live?
21. Would you ever be okay with moving?
22. What is your relationship with your father like?
23. What do you think about fatherhood and what are your expectations for it?
24. What kind of parent do you hope to be?
25. How are you planning on providing for your family if you have children?
26. How do you plan on educating them (i.e., public versus private school or homeschool)?
27. How do you plan to educate your children?
28. What are your health and eating habits?
29. Has sexu@l intimacy been a part of your previous relationships?
30. What do you want to do if we cannot have children?
31. How did your previous relationships end?
32. Have you ever cheated on someone?
33. Have you ever been violent toward a past girlfriend or to anyone in your entire life?
34. How was conflict handled in your house when you were growing up, and what kinds of things would create conflict in your house when you were growing up?
35. In your house, in regards to the truth about difficult situations, were things confronted or were things buried?
36. Were there things or topics that were not allowed to be talked about in your house?
37. This one applies if his mother is (a) living and (b) a part of his life: If I ever expressed to you that your mother does something to upset me, that she crosses a boundary that we have for us or our family, or is being overbearing upon me or our potential children, what would you do?
38. How did your parents treat you and your siblings? Was there abuse?
39. How do you, as a man, like to be supported?
40. Do you use pornogr@phy or engage in m@sturbation? How often?
41. How do you manage your emotions? Are you good at understanding them and working through them, or do you bottle them up?
42. How will we deal with ill or ageing parents? Is there an expectation that they will ever live with us?
43. What are your specific expectations when it comes to housework (i.e., cooking, cleaning, chores around the house)?
44. Are you open to going to couples counseling before and/or during marriage, not only to identify or work through our problems but to learn about how we can communicate more fruitfully?
45. What do you expect of a spouse in times of sickness or suffering?
46. What is your view on vacations? Do we take them, and if so, how often would we take them?
47. This one’s really good: Describe to me in your own words what it means to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
48. Another good one: When God’s Word says to love your wife as Christ loves the church, describe what that means to you.
49. How do you view natural family planning? Is this something that you’re willing to do forever and always?
50. What would you do if your child had a disability?
51. What is your love language?
52. What faith do you wish to raise your children in?
53. What are the expectations in marriage for us having friends of the opposite gender?
54. What is your life goal? At the end of your life, what do you hope to have accomplished?
Conclusion
Now, like I said, this is not a full list. Some things you might find more important than others; some of these questions you might not find important at all.
I find these questions important, and the women that I crowdsourced from found them important too, and that’s why I wanted to share them with you.
Talking about everything before you get married, especially the most important aspects of your life, the things that you care most about, is crucial to the health and well-being and happiness of a marriage.
So, those are 50 questions. Do what you will with them. Maybe they’re helpful tomorrow; maybe they’re helpful for you 10 years from now. I don’t know. That’s all for today’s blogpost. Bye.
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